


Black Treacle

by sunset_oasis



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, but not exactly the soulmate AU you're probably expecting, more like "the unseen side of soulmate AU"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 02:31:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14010237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunset_oasis/pseuds/sunset_oasis
Summary: It's weird, Theo thought, that he's in charge of designing tattoos that meant soulmates, meant destiny, meant forever to some people but he would probably never actually get to experience those himself.





	Black Treacle

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter  
> title from Arctic Monkeys' song.

_**The Facts:** _

Fact number one: When you turn twelve, a soulmark tattoo would appear either your left wrist or right wrist.

Fact number two: Your tattoo would match the one your soulmate has.

These are the two facts known by people, passed down by parents to children throughout the generations. Unquestionable to most, and even sacred to some. Generally, people do not stop and ask, who decided that this other person is my soulmate? Even if they have doubts, their friends, family, and the society would just tell them it's decided by fate, and they should just accept it.

The truth, however, is that – it's not  _really_  decided by  _fate_.

 

* * *

 

**_Statistical Analysis Division, Soulmate Department, Heaven_ **

"We have an urgent case that we need to prioritize," announced the head of the division, Percy Weasley, holding a file in his hand.

Draco Malfoy remained unperturbed as he took a sip of his coffee. Percy's definition of urgency was a bit different than everyone else's. When he said 'urgent', Draco generally interpreted it as that they probably had a month of time to finish a task they could complete in a week. "How urgent, exactly?" he questioned.

Percy frowned. "There's a boy turning twelve in a week, and we've only just gotten the report saying we need to rematch his soulmate, since his personality stats now differs wildly from when we last calculated when he's eight, and now the compatibility with his original soulmate has dropped below the threshold."

Draco raised an eyebrow. While sometimes the compatibility between two people do fluctuate, and sometimes people were not matched with those with the highest compatibility to them due to real life complexity, it was rare that to have a case where the originally calculated pair fall below the compatibility threshold. They did usually choose the highest one when possible, after all.

"How is it possible that we're just being notified now, though?" Hermione Granger asked. "Isn't the tracking division supposed to notify us those things in advance?"

"I heard them complaining about being understaffed these days," Padma Patil chipped in. "The population growth is affecting them worse than other divisions."

"I don't know how they missed one earlier, but at least they discovered it before the twelfth birthday." Percy adjusted his glasses with a sigh. "I suppose it could be worse. Anyway, we need to get to work. Could someone phone the design and branding divisions?"

 

* * *

 

**_Tattoo Design Division, Soulmate Department, Heaven_ **

"Hey Dean, Theo, how do you think of this one?" Luna Lovegood asked, showing her coworkers one of her latest tattoo designs. It looked intricate, with lots of music notes of different colors and sizes.

"Woah," Theo said in awe, "nice."

"Beautiful," Dean said appreciatively, "pair of music lovers, I take it."

"Yeah," Luna smiled dreamily, "according to the data the stats division send me."

Just then, the office phone rang. Dean, being nearest, picked it up. "Tattoo design division," he said into the phone. "It's the stats people," he mouthed at Theo and Luna.

Theo made a face back. The statistical analysis division didn't usually phone unless they needed something done immediately. Those people never really gotten the concept that true art sometimes take time and couldn't exactly be measured with efficiency the same way.

A text message popped up in his cellphone, and Theo immediately forgot about Dean and the stats division as his heart skipped a beat at the simple message.

_Mind if I drop in by to visit later?_

Theo swallowed, and quickly typed back " _Feel free_ " before wondering if responding immediately was too eager. Well, too late to take that back now.

He felt a wave of relief when he got back " _thanks, you're the best xx_ " a moment later, as his mouth unconsciously curved into a smile.

"There's been some mismatch case or something," Dean told them as he put down the phone. "We may have to redesign for two pairs. They haven't gotten the new pairs calculated yet, but they want to warn us in advance that once they got it, we've only got until next Monday to design for one of the pairs."

"Typical," Theo sighed. "Well, let's hope they won't give us the determined pairing at Friday afternoon or something."

"Was it Blaise's text you got earlier?" Luna interrupted.

"Oh yeah," Theo said, "by the way, he's gonna visit later, you don't mind that, do you?"

Luna and Dean exchanged a knowing look. "Of course not," Dean said, with a smile.

Theo tried not to think about the meanings behind the smile. Whatever other people might think, he did not have a crush on Blaise Zabini.

_Maybe._

 

* * *

 

**_Satan's Private Coffee Shop, Hell_ **

Blaise Zabini did not work at the soulmate department. In fact, he did not work anywhere, but he usually came and went around heaven and hell as he liked, with his mother having excellent connections with higher-ups on both sides, and his own charm that made most people welcome his visits.

Where he was right now, though, was definitely due to his mother's connections more than his own charm. After all, the fact that Satan was secretly a dessert enthusiast who made delicious cakes in his private coffee shop during his free time was something known by only very few. And even fewer got the chance to visit regularly.

"This tiramisu is excellent," he said softly. "Every flavor to the perfect degree."

Satan quirked a smile, "You flatter me, boy. By the way, if you're going to ask again if you can bring any of the cakes out of this shop, the answer is no."

"What makes you think I have any ulterior motives?" he asked, innocently. "Can't I simply enjoy the taste of your tiramisu?"

"Experience?" Satan suggested drily.

"You have no faith in me," Blaise lamented, before adding. "Please, just one piece though?"

"No," Satan rolled his eyes. "As I've said before, I do have a reputation to maintain, and this place is supposed to be a secret. I can't just let you take one of my cakes to woo some boy from heaven."

"I don't have to tell him you made it," Blaise argued.

"No," Satan said flatly.

"Fine," Blaise conceded with a sigh. "Well, do let me know if you've changed your mind."

 

* * *

 

**_Statistical Analysis Division, Soulmate Department, Heaven_ **

"How is he incompatible with everyone?" Padma muttered in frustration, after analyzing the futuristic predictions and personality statistics of their target with twenty three different people they've filtered out. "We're already trying the people from the most fitting category. But something either just clashes majestically and cancels out the compatibility, or they're never destined to meet in their future. Like, not just a low probability of meeting in the future, but completely zero chance."

"Well," Percy grimaced, "I don't like to do it, but we might have to disregard the futuristic predictions sometimes. Sometimes … some people just don't get to meet their soulmates. But compatibility comes first as a priority."

"Right," Padma sighed sulkily. She glanced up and saw Theo entering their office. "Oh, hi. No, we don't have the new data ready yet," she informed him.

Theo shrugged. "Yeah, figured you guys would give it to us as soon as possible if you did. I'm here for personal reasons. Hi, Draco."

Draco raised his head from the calculations his burying himself in, "You do know disrupting our work isn't going to get it done faster, don't you?"

"Maybe a break will help and give you more inspiration," Theo suggested with a smirk.

"You're the artist, not me," Draco rolled his eyes. "That's not how we work." But he gestured Theo to sit down beside him.

"Honestly, though, how is the acronym of your division S.A.D? It'd be cooler if it's something like F.A.T.E." Theo asked as he took the seat.

Draco huffed. "Please don't tell me you only came here to have a discussion with me about this."

"It's a valid question," Theo countered. "But fine, if you would rather skip the small talk …"

"I would," Draco said firmly.

"If you say so," Theo said, sounding doubtful. "Well, I've got a personal favor to ask."

"And it's more urgent than the cases we're handling right now?"

"Perhaps not," Theo said, "but I decided to ask now anyway, I guess."

"You're a menace," Draco muttered. "Why am I friends with you again?"

"Anyway," Theo said smoothly, "how exactly do these calculations work again?"

Draco sighed warily. "Listen, if I spend time teaching you this, it wouldn't speed the process along. You're not going to learn it within a week to be of help."

"Who says I want to help?"

"Right," Draco sniffed. "Silly of me. Why do you want to learn this, then? What are you trying to do?"

Beside them, Hermione interrupted suspiciously. "Is this about Zabini?"

Theo narrowed his eyes at her. "I –" he started, before closing his mouth abruptly again.

Draco studied Theo carefully. "You do know that the soulmate system is just for mortals, right? It doesn't work on us. We don't have the data, the detailed information about future and fifteen pages of character analysis on people like us that can be analyze and compute some number out of it."

"How do we know, if  _we_ 're destined to be with someone then?" Theo challenged.

"I don't think that, we're, you know, destined to be with someone the ways mortals do. We live differently than mortals, time is differently for us, and everything lasts way longer than a lifetime," Hermione ventured.

"Sounds like a very textbook answer," Theo remarked wryly.

"Okay, enough chatting around," Percy interrupted. "We need to get back to work. Nott, you should visit some other time."

 

* * *

 

**_Tattoo Design Division, Soulmate Department, Heaven_ **

"Hi," Dean greeted Theo cheerfully as he got back to the office, his eyes shining with something. Before Theo could ask though, he saw someone sitting at his desk, grinning lazily at him. His mind went blank for a moment.

"Two visits in three days? I do feel honored," Theo said once he recovered.

Blaise laughed, easy and charming. Theo wondered how non-mortals like them were supposed to find who they were destined for, or if they even had someone that they were destined for at all. Perhaps Hermione was right, their forever were longer than the mortals' forever, and that it's too scary a concept to bind yourself to someone that way.

Perhaps he should just stop thinking about destiny and forever and just enjoy the current moments, like the way Blaise certainly was.

"How about I help you with this latest tattoo you're designing?" Blaise asked, gesturing to one of Theo's most recent work-in-progress. It's weird, Theo thought, that he's in charge of designing tattoos that meant soulmates, meant destiny, meant forever to some people but he would probably never actually get to experience those himself.

He stuffed his inner existential crisis back in and smiled, "Sure."

Blaise glanced at him, his gaze curious and sharp, before saying, "Excellent, you're about to discover my talents …"

 

* * *

 

**_Satan's Private Coffee Shop, Hell_ **

"Trying out new flavors, I see," Blaise commented as he surveyed around the widespread of desserts on the table.

"Got to keep the creativity flowing," Satan shrugged, then commanded. "Try the mocha one on the left for me and see if it's too sweet."

Blaise's lips twitched in amusement at Satan's commanding tone. "Yes, sir," he quipped.

Satan rolled his eyes. "Also, I've been thinking," he began, and recognized a spark of interest and hope lit up in Blaise's eyes as he continued wryly, "I'm not going to allow you to bring any cake out of here, but, if you're serious about that one and it's not just a fling thing … perhaps I could be persuaded to let him in also."

Blaise stared.

"Wow – you're actually not just a secret dessert enthusiast, but also a secret romantic as well?"

"… You do remember I can change my mind about this at any time, do you?"

"What I mean is, of course I'm very grateful. Extremely." Blaise backtracked quickly.

"Don't overdo it," Satan said drily. "And you've only got one chance. If you screwed it up with him … I'm not letting you bring someone else in here."

Blaise hesitated for a moment, before shrugging, "I think once is probably enough."

 

* * *

 

"Where are we going?" Theo asked curiously. "Wait – is this the direction to hell?"

"Oh yeah, but don't worry," Blaise assured him, "we're going to a really pleasant place. A delightful coffee shop, actually."

"Okayyyy," Theo drawled out, "I trust you to keep me safe."

"It's not a dangerous coffee shop, I promise," Blaise paused and smirked, "but I appreciate the sentiment."

"I've never really heard there's any famous coffee shops in hell."

"See, the thing is, it's a secret one rather than famous one, as Satan doesn't want people to know he's a dessert enthusiast. Image to maintain and all that."

Theo whistled. "Satan. Wow. You really do travel in the high circles, don't you?"

"Comes with the territory," Blaise said flippantly. "But well, it's mostly my mother's influence, I admit. Anyway, you can't tell anyone about this place."

"Okay," Theo agreed. "He lets you bring many people here?"

Blaise stopped in front of the door and turned back to look at Theo. "No," he said lightly, "only one."

Theo froze, suddenly understanding all implications at once.

Blaise held out his hand and smirked faintly, "Well, do you want to go ahead, or I do need to alter your memory in some way?"

"I –" Theo swallowed, and took Blaise's hand. "Let's go in."

The smile he got back was blindingly bright.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [tumblr](https://ff-sunset-oasis.tumblr.com)


End file.
